The Normal People and the Sorcerer's Stone
by TheSandWillPrevail
Summary: What happens when four Americans get letters to Hogwarts? What happens when they meet Seamus and Dean? Lots of humor, sarcasm, and friendship. Getting through Hogwarts is harder than you'd think. No romance (yet... just wait for the sequels).
1. Chapter 1- I Find I Can Do Magic Tricks

**Hey guys! I promise I will stop changing/deleting stories after this one. Pinky swear!**

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Chapter 1

I Find That I Can Do Magic Tricks

One sunny day in August, I, Katherine Amanda Maloon, got a letter. It was one of those old fashioned letters, with a yellowing envelope and a wax seal and it said, _To Miss Katherine Maloon, 6 Windsam Court, San Francisco, California, United States of America._

I think I may have forgotten to mention it was delivered by an owl.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I got into Hogwarts!

"Mom!" I shrieked. "Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom!"

"What, Kat?" she called back.

"Mom, I got into Hogwarts!"

"And this is a surprise to you?" asked Elodie, my fourteen year old sister. She was going to be a fifth year. She also happened to be a snob. But she was right. It _wasn't _a surprise. Everyone in my family had gone to Hogwarts. A sudden realization dawned on me.

"But that means... I'll have to leave the Normal People." The Normal People was a group that consisted of me and my best friends, Ashley, Rachel, and Tanya. We had met in kindergarten when we did the craziest things, like the color the people in our coloring books purple and the dogs blue (le gasp!) and fought over who got to be the princess in dress up and who got to be the evil, ugly ogre (we all wanted to be the ogre). We had called ourselves The Normal People after we had done something crazy once and this one girl walked up to us and said sarcastically, "You guys are possibly the most normal people I've ever seen." And thus the Normal People was born.

"Hey guys," I said sadly, after I called them. They all replied in varying forms of depression: Rachel sounded like her teeth were chattering (that only happened when she was upset), Ashley sounded like she was going to puke, and Tanya sounded like she was laughing. It's what she sounds like when _she's_ upset "I'm going to a private school."

"So am I," Rachel chattered. "It's all the way in England."

"Yeah, I am, too. It's also in England," Tanya giggled.

"Mine is in this rural place," Ashley moaned.

"Yeah, mine is too," the rest of us said together.

"Hogwarts is a pretty lonely place," I blurted. Dang it, I suck at keeping secrets.

"Hogwarts?" Ashley cried.

"That's where I'm going!" Tanya and Rachel said together.

"No. Freaking. Way," I gasped. "You're all witches!"

"Omigod!" they all shrieked.

"Wait, why don't you sound surprised?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I was screaming my head off," Ashley agreed. "I think the neighbors might have called 911."

"Erm, I kinda knew. My whole family's been there."

They took it surprisingly well.

"Anyway, I'm going to Diagon Alley with my mom tomorrow. You can come to my house and we'll take you there You all want to come?"

They agreed, we said our Normal People good bye (I will not tell you it. Not yet) and I put the phone down.

* * *

Everyone came to my house the next day with suitcases and muggle money, just like I had told them.

"We're going to use floo powder to get there," my mother said. Tanya turned pink. I had texted her about floo powder last night, and she did not appreciate stepping into a fireplace. With a lit fire. I personally thought it sounded fun.

"So you just throw this powder into the fire," Mom was saying. "And think of where you want to go and then step into the fire. Ready? Katherine, you go first."

"So ready to sacrifice your own daughter, woman? How cruel," I retorted. She rolled her eyes, gave me the powder and pointed to the fireplace. I took a deep breath. _Diagon Alley. Diagon Alley. Diagon Alley_. I tossed the powder in and leaped into the fire.

It wasn't that bad. It just felt like I was being squished into a pancake, stretched until I was twice my height, pressed back together, and dumped onto a hard cobblestone floor. Nope, didn't hurt at all.

"Funny," I guy with an Irish accent drawled. "I thought Rachel was supposed to come through here."

I looked up. He was my age, with red-brown hair and green eyes, lanky but not taller than me. "Oh, she'll be here," I replied. "Right about- oomph!"

Rachel was suddenly on top of me. Her glasses went flying and she looked green. "I will never do that again," she moaned. "Oh, hi, Seamus!"

She stood up and I groaned. "What do you eat, rocks?" But I jumped up before Tanya or Ashley, who followed, could land on me. My mother came last, landing easily on her feet. Typical.

"Guys, this is my cousin, Seamus Finnigan," Rachel introduced. "He's a first year in Hogwarts, like us."

Ashley gave a tiny wave. "I'm Ashley Jordan."

Tanya had her hands deep in her pocket. "Tanya Evans."

Ashley looked at Seamus, tilting her head. Suddenly, she burst out with, "Shame on you, Seamus!"

Rachel, Tanya, and Ashley cackled like, well, witches at the clever rhyme. I rolled my eyes. "I'm Katherine Maloon. I'm also the most normal person here."

Tanya narrowed her eyes. "You're the one who pantsed Mr. Orley!"

"And you punched Jackson Livingson because you felt like it!"

"And you tried to convince us to go to a high school party!"

I sighed. "Almost worked, too."

Seamus laughed, and I relaxed. I hated people who didn't have a sense of humor. You could have money and smarts, but you can get everywhere with a good sense of humor.

"You don't mind if he joins us, do you, Mrs. Maloon?" Rachel asked Mom. Mom looked stricken at the thought of not just four but _five _eleven year olds following her (oh, the horror).

"Don't worry," Seamus said. "Me Mam's just over there." He pointed to a pretty lady looking at the displays at a bookstore. Mom visibly relaxed. "Oh, that's fine, then."

We then raided every store along the side until we reached a wand shop.

"Ollivander's Wands," Seamus' mother said. "Best wands around."

It had turned out that Seamus's mother was a witch, while Rachel's wasn't.

The problem with having five kids needing new wands is that we pretty much destroyed everything in Ollivander's shop. The man didn't seem upset, in fact, quite the opposite. "Enjoy your wands!" he called. I smiled, stroking my new wand (thirteen inches, yew, unicorn hair).

"I've always wanted a broom," Seamus said, nodding at the broom shop. "It's too bad first years can't have one. I'd try out for Quidditch team."

"So would I," I agreed, and we high fived.

And together, we all walked to some wizard inn.

* * *

"Hurry, guys, we'll be late!"

I grabbed my suitcase and looked at my mom. "You're sure?" I asked. "This isn't some joke?"

She smiled. "No it's not. Now go! You've got five minutes!"

"I am slamming into a waaaaaall," I whisper-yelled, and I ran straight for the wall in between platforms 9 and 10.

Luckily, I did not crash into the wall and get a concussion and die. Unluckily, I crashed into another trolley.

"Watch it!" the boy snapped.

"Sorry, sorry!"

I wasn't sorry. He looked like a bitch. I ran for the train, where the rest of the Normal People, along with Seamus and a guy named Dean were standing.

We finally found an empty car, and as the train started moving, I gasped. It was true. I was going to Hogwarts!

"Can I sit here?" A short girl would long, bushy, ginger hair was standing in front of the door. I ran my tongue over my braces to check that there was no food and assured, I smiled at her.

"Of course."

Seamus, flashing us one last smile, walked out, Dean following. The girl sat down. "I'm Hermione Granger."

"Tanya Evans."

"Katherine Maloon."

"Rachel McLeister."

"Ashley Jordan. We're all first years."

"I'm a first year, too," Hermione said. "Did you hear Harry Potter's on the train?"

I gasped and Rachel raised an eyebrow. "Who's that?"

"Only the Boy Who Lived." She dropped her voice. "Voldemort tried to kill him. But he survived."

"Who's Voldemort?"

I shook my head. "You know little, young one."

"Hey! I'm older than you!"

And we all settled in for a ride to a school of magic.

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**Sorry for the weird, unfunny chapter. I suck at beginnings! It'll be better and funnier later, just keep reading!**


	2. Chapter 2- I Piss A Guy Off

Chapter 2

I Piss A Guy Off

"What do you think classes will be like?" I asked, after slipping into my robes. "My mom wouldn't tell me."

"I'm think there will be a lot of magic," Tanya replied, and I gave her a no duh look.

"I have absolutely no idea. And where's Hermione? Anyway, you can see Hogwarts!" Rachel crowed. Being eleven and technically still children, we all shoved each other away to catch a glimpse of the school. And of course, because I'm the tallest and everyone thought I would block them, I was shoved to the back and could only catch a glimpse of the top of a flag.

"I hate you all," I muttered after everyone calmed down (which, of course, had to be after the school disappeared from sight).

"You love us so much more than you hate us, though," Rachel added, and I stuck my tongue out at her.

The train stopped and we grabbed our bags and jumped off the train. And then I caught my first glimpse of Hogwarts.

It was amazing. Hundreds of lights glowed inside the castle, contrasting against the starry sky. There was a small cabin in the far corner, at the edge of the woods. It was surrounded by a moat, with boats bobbing at the edges. I was so busy gawking at it that someone with red-brown hair slammed into me, and I went down.

That was, until I suddenly saved by two strong arms that pulled me back up.

"I just saved your life," Seamus sang. I glared at him.

"You're the one that pushed me!"

"I still saved you!"

I snorted and pushed away. "I'm not saying thank you. Not until you say sorry."

"That will never happen."

"Yes, it will."

"No it won't!"

"Will."

"Won't."

"Will."

"Won't."

"Will!"

"WON'T!"

"Shut up!" Ashley yelled. "While I appreciate your concern for apologizing or saying thank you, the boats are going to leave soon. So Kat, you come with us, and Seamus, you go do whatever the boys are doing." We all looked at the boys, who were rough housing and trying to dunk each other in the lake.

"I am so excited!" Tanya shrieked after we had all clambered in and the boats had started rowing themselves (possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. And my mom's a witch. There's been a lot of cool stuff in my life).

"We all are, Tan," Rachel said dryly. "Even Kat, and she's known she would be here for, like, her whole life!"

Ashley gave me a withering look. "I still can't believe you didn't tell us."

I put my hands up in a universal 'hey, leave me alone' gesture. "I thought you guys were all muggles."

The boats pulled into the shore and we all climbed out. The ground was rocky, with bits of fine sand nestled in between the stones. The castle glowed against the dark sky.

The inside was as impressive as the outside, maybe even more so. It was lines with paintings of people, most of them girls, most of them giggling and waving to us.

We were being led by a lady with white hair in a bun and perfect robes. She stopped us in front of two gigantic doors.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. Now, in a few moments you will pass through these doors and join your classmates, but before you take your seats, you must be sorted into your houses. They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Now while you're here, your house will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points. Any rule breaking, and you will lose points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup," she said in a cracking, I-am-an-old-lady voice. And then she mumbled something about letting us put ourselves together and walked away.

Leaving us all alone.

Which probably wasn't the best idea, because this boy with white-blonde hair an a face like a weasel stepped up to Harry Potter and started saying something about some wizarding families being better than others. Which really wasn't true. You just had to look at my family to figure that out. And Harry Potter was pretty impressive, but there was no need to interrogate him.

Then Harry said that he could take care of himself, thank you (good for him!) and Mcgonagall came back.

"Everyone ready? Good. Let's go, then."

She opened the doors and everyone gasped

There were four long tables with each of the house flags over them (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin) with about a hundred students gathered around each. On a raised table, there were all the teachers, from pale, vampiric Snape to stuttering, turban headed Quirrel, with the headmaster, Dumbledore in the center. On a stool the Sorting Hat sat, with wrinkled folds acting as a mouth.

But what was the best part was the ceiling. It was bewitched to look like a night sky, with sparkling stars and a pale, crescent moon. Soft clouds drifted past the moon, making it look so realistic that it seemed like we were outside. I suddenly was overcome with nervousness. What if I wasn't sorted? What if I sat there with the hat on my head, until I was sent away, my mind wiped, back to being a Muggle? It was clear everyone else was feeling this, so I blanked out while the hat sang a poem and the first few people were called up.

"Tanya Evans!"

I snapped out of my reverie and squeezed her hand. She walked up stiffly. The hat was on her head for maybe a minute as she got stiffer and stiffer, until it finally called, "Gryffindor!"

The Gryffindor clapped and whistled as she happily turned pink and took a seat next to Seamus.

"Katherine Maloon!"

"You can do it, Kat," Ashley whispered in my ear. "You're whole family's been here."

I nodded numbly and sat down on the stool, the hat on my head.

"Mmm, nice brain you've got there, but not quite ready for Ravenclaw," it mumbled.

_Hey!_ I thought angrily.

"Yes, very outspoken, hmm, GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor table exploded into applause. I smiled gratefully and sat next to Tanya. Rachel and Ashley were next, both in Gryffindor with us, along with Harry Potter and a bunch of other people.

"Before we feast," Dumbledore yelled," I have a few words for you all: nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!"

Then we dug into piles of food. I finished and sat back, full.

"Hey Seamus," I said, finally needing someone to talk to. He looked around Tanya and looked at me, seeming to ask what.

"Yes?"

"You watch Quidditch, right?"

He rolled his eyes. "Watch it? I more than watch it!"

I smiled. "Good. Then you know how the Kestrels are totally going down, right?"

Rachel groaned at my dog at Seamus. "What the heck, Kat, now he's going to kill you."

"Seriously, Bulgaria is much, much better."

He looked ready to hex me, so it was a good thing Percy Weasley stood up and told all the Gryffindors to follow him.

"This is not over," Seamus growled, looking like steam was shooting out of his ears. "You'll see. The Kestrels will beat them all."

I snorted unbelievingly. "Yeah, they'll beat them all at losing."

Rachel grabbed my arm. "Enough, Katherine, let's go."

I grinned and wiggled my fingers at the ticked boy. "See ya, Shamie."

We all followed Percy Weasley who then stood in front of this painting of an extremely fat lady in pink and pigtails.

"Password?" she asked. Percy said something that I cannot remember and the painting swung open like a door.

The Gryffindor common room was a nice, homy kind of room. It had a crackling fire and a few loveseats gathered around it. There were multiple staircases leading up somewhere.

"First year girls, up there." Percy pointed to one set of stairs. "You'll find all of your stuff has already been brought up."

The Normal People and a few other girls scrambled up the steps. I found my bed easily and sat primly on it, while the rest of my friends gave each other looks and started bouncing on them.

"I'm Katherine Maloon," I introduced. "Those are my friends over there. You'll get used to them. My sister is a fifth year in Hufflepuff."

"I'm Lavender Brown." Lavender stuck her hand out and I shook it. She looked like she was one of those delicate, pretty girls who couldn't fend for herself, with soft brown curls and warm eyes. She looked nice enough, but not like someone I would be friends with.

"I'm Parvati Patel. My twin, Padma, is in Ravenclaw." Parvati was Indian, and a pretty one, too. She and Lavender already seemed to have found a group together. Hermione didn't introduce herself. She just sat there and read a book. Eventually, the rest of my friends calmed down.

"I'm Rachel McLeister. My cousin Seamus is a first year Gryffindor."

"I'm Tanya Evans. I'm from America with the rest of these freaks."

I pouted. "I'm not a freak, you guys are!"

"You pantsed someone" she shot back, and we all dissolved into giggles. That really was pretty funny.

"I'm Ashley Jordan," Ashley said. "And I am not related to anyone here."

"I think we'll all get along nicely, don't you think?"

I grinned. "That's if Seamus doesn't kill me first."

Parvati raised her eyebrows. "What'd you do?"

"I insulted the Kestrels."

She laughed. "Never insult an Irishman's Quidditch team."

I mock glared. "Couldn't have told me that before, could you?"

Rachel yawned. "I'm sleepy. Let's go to sleep, guys."

I nodded. "Good idea. Good night, people."


	3. Chapter 3- I Fight Sexism

**Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to update, I was making a new story (Someone to Love), which is a Leo OC (because everyone in HoO had a girlfriend but Leo and I felt bad). Then I got the flu that was going around and was in bed for a week. And THEN I got stupid food poisoning and I couldn't move without THROWING UP. Ugh. And then I HAD to finish reading Unravel Me and Serena is too lazy to do this (I am the main writer of this, Serena is the grammar nazi), I have to hurry and do this. I'm sick again and I can barely move, so you better love me for this.**

**Also, I'm giving shout outs to the first three reviewers and followers of this story after I post a chapter. So hurry!**

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Chapter 3

I Single Handedly Fight Sexism

"This is too much, goddammit!"

I threw a crumpled essay parchment (not paper) at Ashley, which hit her cheek and bounced off. "No cursing."

"But Quirrell is full of crap!" Rachel protested.

I threw another piece of parchment at her.

"I don't know why he's Defense Against Dark Arts. Snape would've much better," Tanya agreed. She got a parchment in the face, too.

"You can't really mean that," I scoffed. "Do you?"

Dean whistled warningly. "Oh careful guys, she's going to go ballistic. I picked up my quill (what is wrong with these people and their obsession with old timey stuff?) and raised it.

"I will throw this at you if you don't shut up. I'm not afraid to go there."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oooo, I'm so scared of the scary quill."

I narrowed my eyes and chucked it at him. It hit his arm and left a mark. He yelped. "Ow! How did that hurt so much?"

I snickered. "I'm just special like that."

He frowned. "I bet I'm special enough to hurt you with a quill."

I snorted. "Yeah, mentally special."

"Hey!"

He grabbed his quill and leaped up, me shrieking and running around the Gryffindor common room with him chasing.

"You know, I think they might like each other," Tanya whispered conspiratorially. "And I don't mean as friends."

Dean and I both froze and glanced at each other. His quill was poised and ready to hurt, but he didn't move it.

"Ew, no!" I yelled and leaped back into my seat. "That's gross."

He frowned. "I get it. No need to be mean about it."

Rachel smirked. "You can't be mean to her, Dean. Her birthday's next week."

Seamus's eyes rocketed up past his hairline (which wasn't that hard, considering his hair pretty much reach his eyebrows anyway). "Your birthday's next week?"

I groaned. "Yes, it is. My birthday's November 3."

"Hey, you didn't tell us!"

"I didn't know I was obliged to. And the best present you all could get me is to stop. Cursing."

"But you curse too!"

"Not every five seconds."

Tanya laughed, and I almost joined (because who doesn't like laughing for no apparent reason?) but I remembered the amount of homework I had. "Dang!"

I plunged back into Charms

* * *

Halloween came quickly. Halloween here wasn't much like America, and no one really dressed up. My owl, Fredric (short for Fredric Douglas Bob King Duck Duke the Third) brought me a witch mask from my mother, which was funny and ironic, and I wore that around until Snape made me take it off. Snape does not have a valid sense of humor. Everyone else thought it was funny (except for the Slytherins, but who cares what they think?).

"There's a big dinner tonight, you coming?" Dean called up the girl's room.

"I'll be there, give me five minutes!" I called back down. I straightened my robe and was about to go downstairs when I heard Seamus mumble, "Girls, they take forever."

I stormed down the stairs. I _hated _sexism. How could people just assume things about the opposite gender?

"I'll have you know that I take less time to get ready than most boys!" I retorted. He snorted.

"You wish!"

I growled. "Not all girls care so much about how they look, you know!"

Seamus laughed. "So you say, but you care."

I almost launched myself at him. "I don't know what you have against girls, but if you think every single one is the same, you don't know me."

"So you're saying Tanya isn't a typical one? Because she's been up there for an hour, and she hasn't been replying."

That did it. I punched his nose. "Tanya is my _friend!"_

"Enough!" Dean stepped in between us as I tried to take another swipe at his face.

"Resorting to muggle tactics, Katherine?" Seamus taunted.

"If I used my magic, you would be dead!"

"So you say."

"Do you want me to k-"

"Enough!" Dean repeated. "I don't what's gotten into you, Seam, but you shouldn't be saying things like that. And Kat, you shouldn't be this angry."

"Tell that to Mr. Sexist here!"

"Shut _up!" _Dean sounded exceptionally like a teacher. "Seamus, we're leaving."

"What's going on?" Rachel descended the stairs. I threw daggers at Seamus with my eyes.

"You're cousin here was insulting Tanya."

"We're _leaving," _Dean snapped. "Let's go." He grabbed Seamus's wrist and dragged him away.

"Are you ok?" Rachel asked.

"Fine," I replied stiffly. "But I'm not talking to him."

"Do whatever," Rachel replied. Tanya stumbled down the stairs.

"What's going on?"

I groaned. "Let's just go."

* * *

Seamus didn't apologize for his sexist remarks in the next week, and I sure as hell wasn't going to apologize for his broken nose. He deserved it.

"When are you guys going to make up?" Ashley moaned.

"How about never?" I replied, throwing a bun at his head across the table.

"She broke my nose!" Seamus protested, rubbing his crooked nose and kicking me (hard) under the table. "I'm not saying sorry."

"Well, neither am I," I sniffed, turning my nose up and chucking my crumbs like confetti at him. "I demand fair treatment. Women cannot be underestimated. We are better than this."

"So I noticed," Dean muttered, and I chose to ignore him.

"Please, guys, I can't stand it!" Tanya begged.

"For us?" Rachel pleaded.

"Nope," I snapped.

"Never." He glared at me, daring me to disagree. I hexed him.

"This is going to be a long year," Dean grumbled, and the girl nodded in agreement. I threw an apple at Seamus and got up.

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**Like I said, I'm sick. That's why this is so short.**


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